Prank War
by BrokenWarrior
Summary: The title says it all really...A prank war between Merlin and Arthur. NON-SLASH! Suggestions welcome. Written for CONLEY.
1. Chapter 1

**PRANK WAR**

Hey everyone! Before you read I would like you to know that I dislike Merlin. This story is written for CONLEY, who wrote an awesome story in the Ranger's Apprentice section. It's a complete Crack!Fic, but it's awesome. I encourage you to read it.

Anyway, read this fic first....ENJOY!!

* * *

Merlin snuck quietly into his master's chambers. He smirked at the sight of Arthur spread out on the bed, the thick sheets hanging off his hips and revealing tight, black sleep-pants. Merlin's smirk widened as he thought about what he was planning. However, he still jumped as Arthur rolled over and murmured incoherently in his sleep.

Shaking his head in hopes to clear his paranoia, Merlin muttered an incantation that would ensure the other male remained sleeping while he carried out his plan.

He carefully pulled the sheets to the end of the bed before stripping Arthur of his sleep-pants. He pointedly looked away from the other man's nether regions as he tied ropes around Arthur's wrists and ankles, successfully binding Arthur to the bed. Merlin's smirk returned and he clambered on the bed, standing over Arthur triumphantly. He pumped his fist in the air.

"Yes!" He shouted. "You are at my mercy!"

Grinning sheepishly as he realized that Arthur was still asleep, he released the spell. The other male blinked tiredly and tried to rub his eyes. He was stopped by the ropes around his arms. Alarm showed in Arthur's eyes as he realised his predicament. Anger quickly replaced the shock as he focused on Merlin.

"What are you doing?!" He shouted at his smug manservant. The brunette continued to stand with his feet either side of Arthur, his fist raised in the air. An infuriating smirk adorned his face as he looked down at Arthur, who was helpless to do anything other than glare back.

Merlin jumped off the bed, landing lightly before turning back to the bound blonde. He stood still, his arms crossed loosely across his chest. A thoughtful expression replaced the smug one and Merlin rested his chin in his hand as he surveyed Arthur.

"I quite like you like that," Merlin mused.

"Untie me!" Arthur ordered. "Now!" Merlin laughed in reply.

"I don't think so," He answered cheekily, leaning over Arthur's face. His face lost all of its humour as he regarded the helpless male with slight contempt. "Remember last week?" He asked rhetorically, venom lacing his words. "You knocked me unconscious, stripped me bare and tied me to a column in the courtyard. I was starkers for the world to see and even though I pleaded for you to let me go, you refused." Merlin's usual smile reappeared. "I have chores to do so I had better get going. I'm sure someone will find you soon enough."

And with that, Merlin straightened and left the room, an excited bounce in his step.

* * *

What do you think? Review; tell me what you think and leave a suggestion for a prank that you want to see. I may have to change it a little to make it slightly realistic to the time, but if I like it and feel that I can write it well it'll get in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Prank War – Chapter 2**

Hey everyone! I'm back again! I bet you're shaking in your boots. I'm such a cruel and evil person. Nevermind...I forgot this in the first chapter**....I DO NOT OWN MERLIN!!! **There, it's even in bold so you can find it easier. Not that it really matters. Why would I be writing FanFiction if i owned Merlin? I would change so many things.

Anyway....read on....

* * *

King Uther made his way to his son's chambers, intent on finding out why the young man had decided not to leave them that morning. It was not after noon and Arthur had yet to emerge. Needless to say, Uther was not impressed.

He was downright outraged when entered Arthur's chambers, only to find the young man spread-eagle on the bed.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Uther thundered. He glared down at Arthur, displeasure written on every angle of his face. The younger male glared back, impatient to be freed. He tugged on the ropes as Uther covered Arthur's privates with a pillow. Arthur could hear the man's controlled breathing as he untied his heir. He was sure that his father was at boiling point and would explode at any moment.

Uther passed Arthur his pants and turned around to give his son some privacy.

"I'm decent." Arthur announced once he had laced his pants properly. His body was numb and he had had to fumble with the string for several moments until he managed to loop the ends together.

Uther spun back around and studied Arthur who was rubbing his wrists with a pained expression.

"Who did it?" Uther asked briskly. The blonde man looked up at his father and murmured the name of his manservant. Scowling, Uther left the room, his robes billowing behind him.

2 HOURS LATER…

Merlin glared at the prince who stood in the crowd. He didn't participate in the throwing of rotten vegetables, but as Merlin was trapped in the stocks, he felt that Arthur's presence was like a punch in the gut; worse than the vegetables that villagers were throwing.

He saw the smirk on Arthur's face, the laughter in the other man's eyes and yelled,

"This means war, Arthur Pendragon!"

He was rewarded with a rotten tomato in his mouth.

* * *

The end of another chapter. I have an idea of what I would like to do with the next chapter, but suggestions are most certainly welcome. I have a small mind and it cannot think up very many pranks.

Until next time....


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated, but here you go. Be prepared for another war between our two handsome heroes. Who wins? Read and find out! My apologies for it being so short, but you know. It was fun.

* * *

Prank War – Chapter 3

Merlin stood high above the training ground, watching Arthur as the other man ran through the drills with the soon-to-be-knights of Camelot. He grinned as Arthur walked closer to the tower he stood in. It would be great to get Arthur back for the humiliation he'd suffered last week.

Grinning wider as Arthur walked below him and, very conveniently, stood still. Merlin put his hand out the window; a wooden object fisted in his fingers…and let it drop.

The abacus fell throw the air, spinning over itself, making the wooden beads bounce together and clack. Arthur looked around, confused by the noise but he was too late. The abacus fell on his head with a resounding crack that made all the soon-to-be-knights turn and see what the sound was. Arthur clutched his head and clenched his teeth against a cry that threatened to escape him. When he looked up, he caught a brief look at a hand going into the window, a familiar blue material covering the wrist, and a sight of a shocking mess of dark hair. 'Merlin', he hissed in his mind, and oh, was it on!

Snatching the abacus from the ground where it lay, Arthur stormed out of the training field and into the castle. He knew where he would find the insufferable imp that he was hesitant to call a friend. And, just as he suspected, Merlin was in his room, performing the duties that he was expected to perform.

"Is something wrong, Arthur?" Merlin asked innocently, looking up from where he was making the bed. Arthur sputtered with a dark look on his face.

"Is something wrong?!" He asked incredulously. "You threw this at me!" He cried, waving the abacus in Merlin's face. Merlin remained apparently oblivious.

"I did? But Arthur, I've been here all morning. I can't have possibly done it." Arthur glared at him. That infuriating idiot was acting innocent, as if he had never done a bad thing in his life. Arthur responded with a growl, and threw the abacus at Merlin. It hit the other male on the forehead with a snap.

"Ow!" Merlin complained, picking up the abacus and throwing it back. It hit Arthur in the chest and bounced off, causing minimal damage to the blonde-haired man. Biting back a smile, Arthur picked up the fallen abacus and threw it at Merlin, aiming for the dark male's head. As soon as the abacus left his hand, he dashed –gracefully if you asked him – for the table, where a second abacus was located.

His weapon in his hand, Arthur turned and prepared to throw…only to be hit in the face with the abacus that he'd thrown at Merlin. The other male was laughing, holding his sides and bending slightly at the waist. Arthur grinned. He now had two abaci, and the upper hand. Taking one in each hand, Arthur aimed and threw the abaci, one only seconds after the other.

Merlin fell. One abacus had hit his head, while the other had hit an extremely painful and private area. Poor Merlin lay on the floor, out of breath and clutching his groin, a groan coming from his mouth as a near pitiful whimper. Arthur knew he was triumphant and smirked down at Merlin. He walked to the door.

"Oh, and Merlin," He said, spinning and looking back towards the bed, where Merlin was currently laying down beside, out of view.

"Yes, sir?" came the strained and pain-filled reply.

"No more abaci for you. We both know who'll win should you decide to pull that stunt again."

* * *

What do you think? Should I perhaps let Merlin win once or twice? Hmm. Well, suggestions are welcome and thank you to MakotoJinx for their review and idea. It will be used next. Anyone who wants their idea up needs to review. And I do love reviews...they make me feel better inside.

TTFN


	4. Chapter 4

Hey everyone. I'm back with another chapter. Sorry it took so long to upload but it's here now and that's all that matters. Right?

* * *

Merlin was annoyed. The insufferable arse of a prince had been twice as insufferable since Merlin had lost the abacus war. The prince now made certain to slow Merlin down at every single opportunity. It took him three times as long to do any chore since Arthur had decided that it was his most important duty to interfere in every way humanly possible.

In return, Merlin was no fighting back, using his magic in small, unnoticeable ways every time that he saw the trademark smirk cross the heir's face. So far Arthur had been hit in the face with at least eight times – all of these objects miraculously missing his oh-so-perfect nose – and hit in the groin at least twenty times. If Merlin was annoyed, Arthur was downright outraged. He wanted to be a father one day and at this rate he would be forcibly unable to reproduce. He knew Merlin had something to do with it all. He couldn't work out how, but with the stupid smirk on his face every time that Arthur received some kind of injury he could not be innocent. And so, Arthur conducted an evil plan.

The plan would involve injury, but Arthur decided it was worth it to catch out the little imp. He carefully practiced his 'idea-smirk' and used it around Merlin whenever he could. He experimented and found, after a week, that whenever he smirked something painful would happen. He also tried the plan when Merlin wasn't around, receiving no injury whatsoever. Arthur had now determined that Merlin was the centre of his pain. And that left him with the need to do something about it.

Merlin was happy. He had successfully thwarted all of Arthur's would-be pranks for the past week and was feeling quite good about out-smarting the future king. It was his obliviousness that led to his hanging.

As he took a step into Arthur's chambers, his whistling was cut-off mid-note and the laundry basket he was holding went flying. This was how Merlin ended up in Arthur's room hanging from the ceiling and his happy-mood ruined.

He spluttered and tried to push his shirt back up over his stomach without much success. He heard the door close near his head and reached out blindly.

"Arthur?" he asked in a slightly shaky voice. His response was a chuckle and hands lifting his shirt and tucking it haphazardly into his pants. He shook his head, trying to focus on the prince. "Arthur, why are you doing this?"

He could see the blurred outline of the prince. The blood was rushing to his head and pounding, making it hard for him to concentrate. He could see the tell-tale stance – arms folded, body leaning back slightly and surveying his 'prize' with a posture that showed the young prince was smirking. The prince moved closer and Merlin felt himself start to swing as a boot pushed firmly yet gently into the centre of his chest.

"How do you do it?" Arthur asked his captive.

"How do I do what?" Merlin asked incredulously.

"Do what you do!" Arthur yelled, hoping to scare his helpless manservant into a quick submission. Merlin still looked confused, though it was hard for Arthur to tell since the other male's face was so red. "How do you make things hit me?" He questioned, his voice a little softer.

"What are you talking about, Arthur?" his manservant cried. "I don't do anything to hurt you!"

Arthur glared at Merlin.

"Yes, you do. All those things I run into or that hit me; it only happens when I'm around you. Now explain that."

"Complete coincidence. Now let me down! This is ridiculous."

"No, it's not. You're not coming down until you tell me the truth."

This time, Merlin could tell that Arthur meant it. And so, with a deep breath he murmured the truth.

"What was that, Merlin? I missed it. You'll have to speak up a little louder."

"I'm a wizard."

* * *

A/N: So, what do you think? Suggestions for the next prank are appreciated. Otherwise my inspiration runs out the window.


End file.
